


winter and hard earth

by CallmeCordelia



Category: Chilling Adventures of Sabrina (TV 2018)
Genre: Developing Relationship, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Past Rape/Non-con, Self-Harm, Threats of Violence, Winter, Winter Solstice
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 06:56:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22322947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallmeCordelia/pseuds/CallmeCordelia
Summary: Leaves curl and blacken. She breathes in the haze of sage smoke till it fills her lungs, her being. Holds it there as the long minutes tick by. Her vision blurs before she finally surrenders to the burn in her chest.“With air I cleanse myself.”---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Zelda observes the Winter Solstice. Lilith observes Zelda.
Relationships: Zelda Spellman/Mary Wardwell | Madam Satan | Lilith
Comments: 8
Kudos: 80
Collections: Madam Spellman 2020 Challenge





	winter and hard earth

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Singofsolace](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Singofsolace/gifts).



> This is my submission for the Madam Spellman 2020 Challenge on tumblr.  
> Warning: This deals with dark subject matter. It contains depictions of self-harm and while Blackwood is never outright discussed, this is Zelda dealing with the psychological repercussions of her time as Lady Blackwood.

Leaves curl and blacken. She breathes in the haze of sage smoke till it fills her lungs, her being. Holds it there as the long minutes tick by. Her vision blurs before she finally surrenders to the burn in her chest.  


_“With air I cleanse myself.”  
_

Soil from Hilda’s garden squishes between her fingers. Manicured nails sink into its depths. She tries not to think of the Cain pit which, despite months of dormancy, still stirs guilt in her stomach. Another wave of nausea. Another forbidden thought.  


_“With earth I cleanse myself.”  
_

Bumps raise on her arms as they plunge into icy water. Her shiver sends it sloshing over the basin’s rim and seeping into the Persian rug. The hems of her sleeves darken and stick to her skin as she scrubs.  


_“With water I cleanse myself.”  
_

The candle lies abandoned as she settles before the hearth. Absently drying her skin, she reaches to pluck a stray ember from the grate. Her fingers curl like sage leaves. The more it sears, the harder she clings. For a moment it satisfies, the pain eclipsing all else.  


_“With fire I-”  
_

She twists and fights the sudden grip on her wrist. Punishment is wrenched from her scalded fingers. All breath flees her body as she jerks away, her good hand poised to hex.  


“Easy,” Her queen’s voice is low and gentle as she douses the cinder with a spell. “It’s alright.”  


“Lilith?” The sound of her own voice, high and foreign, is a sharp reminder of her honeymoon and the hand she cradles against her chest clenches.  


“I hope you don’t mind the intrusion.” A twitch of fingers and the logs brighten, angular features revealed in the firelight.  


“Certainly not.” Zelda clears her throat, pleased to find that her voice is almost her own again. “Whatever it is, it must be important to have brought you here at this hour.”  


It feels wrong to watch the Queen of Hell seat herself on a cushion next to the hearth, but before Zelda can offer her the far more appropriate wingback, a second cushion appears in the space next to her queen and Lilith gestures for her to sit. She lifts her chin and descends as gracefully as the circumstances will allow.  


Adjusting the skirt of her robe, she turns to find Lilith’s hand open and waiting. There’s a moment’s hesitation- she is, after all, more than capable of casting a simple healing spell herself- but Zelda complies with a huff. Her hand unfurls, palm up. She shudders as soothing fingers ghost over the blisters.  


“This can’t continue.” It’s a command, quietly delivered, but a command nonetheless.  


“Elemental cleanses are common practice at the Solstice,” Zelda informs in a voice usually reserved for Academy lectures.  


“As the witch who began such rituals, I am well aware.” Her queen’s voice hardens, but her touch is still unsettlingly tender. “I am also aware of your other _rituals_.”  


Zelda keeps her gaze trained on their joined hands, decidedly avoiding the spell circle where her flog awaits her.  


“I understand the craving to cleanse, the desperate desire to burn it all away.” Zelda’s skin crawls at the feeling of being seen. She longs to dig her nails into the wound, to reach for the whip, anything but to sit here exposed. Instead she closes her eyes and allows her queen to continue. “Such practices were created to harm us. To control us. But no more. There’s nothing to be gained from harming yourself.  


“May I?” The question is breathed across her abused palm.  


There’s a quiver of uncertainty, but Zelda feels herself nod.  


Lips, softer even than the fingertips, brush over her wound, and her eyes flit open. She gapes, spellbound, at the tenderness her queen lavishes upon her.  


She can feel the gentle tug as tissue knits back together. The feeling moves across her scalded hand, up her arm, pulls in her chest.  


“You, Zelda Fiona Spellman, are not unclean. Nor is it _you_ who will burn.”

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this! I'm a bit rusty, but it felt good to get back into creative writing. I took some inspiration for the ritual from a Wiccan cleansing spell I found online (https://wiccanspells.info/wiccan-cleansing-ritual/) and hope that my interpretation is respectful. Obviously the self harm is not meant to be part of the ritual. 
> 
> The title is pulled from Carol Ann Duffy's 'Demeter'.
> 
> "Where I lived – winter and hard earth.  
> I sat in my cold stone room  
> choosing tough words, granite, flint,
> 
> to break the ice. My broken heart –  
> I tried that, but it skimmed,  
> flat, over the frozen lake"


End file.
